I have been carrying around a lot of anger towards my hubby (we are separating). I have decided that I need to let the anger go. To cleanse myself of the negative emotion that has seeped into my life and has colored my decisions.
My therapist says I need to make sure I keep my sense of humor when dealing with the beast called ANGER. That it is a nasty emotion. That will, over the next bit, be very irrational while I try to let it go. Her example was that I will think of beating my hubby with a baseball bat because he did something totally innocent like MAKE ME COFFEE! LOL. I can’t see myself actually doing that, but I understand what she means. She also said that she can’t tell me how to change my anger into something positive. That I am the only one that can figure that out. I think just acknowledging that I want to change it has helped a bit. I at least notice now when I’m acting out of anger towards him.
I have only one other time in my life been really angry toward someone. It was at work and a colleague got angry with me because I had a better relationship with clients but I put in half the effort he was. He told my boss I was not doing my job, said I was slacking off etc. I was soooo angry I couldn’t even be in the same room with this man. My jaw would immediately set my eyes would narrow and I would think of putting rat poison in his coffee just like in the movie 9 to 5. This irrational feeling and thoughts lasted for exactly one week. I confronted him, and dragged him in to talk with our boss. We talked… both of us acknowledged that we just have different styles of working and the anger towards him disappeared. So other then that experience I have never dealt with this type of anger… Hurt yes… but not anger.
I tried to confront my hubby when I first got angry, but it didn’t work he didn’t want to talk about it. Or I should say we didn’t know how to talk to each other about it productively. I intern didn’t know what else to do. I tied to just put it aside, but the next time we argued all of that anger resurfaced and so the cycle began.
I have also discovered that when I act out of anger towards anyone that I feel guilt for it. So not only have I been carrying around anger, but also guilt about acting angry. It has been 4 years since that first incident. Four years of carrying around emotions that are poison to happiness. I’m ready to let them go. To get back to the fun loving person that I am in all other aspects of my life.
Thanks for listening.