Twice recently I have been told that I was pushing.
First was by a friend I was leaning on during this hard time. I wanted more emotionally and physically from him. His situation would not allow for that.
Second was by my husband who I am separated from. He says I’m rushing and pushing to make the separation legal.
Am I pushy? This is the first time in my life I have been called such. I know I’m determined… and when I figure out something that I want I give it my all, but is that pushing? Maybe.
Maybe when another person is involved that does not desire the same thing you want, or just isn’t in that same place you are mentally it is viewed as pushing.
The dictionary defines:
Push as… a vigorous effort to do or obtain something.
Determined as… displaying resolve, a firmness or purpose.
My husband wants to stay together. I want to leave. I have made up my mind and I’m moving on it. Mediators, lawyers, selling the house, finding a new home. He says I’m rushing, pushing. I just want to move on with my life as quickly as possible to get out from this strange state we are living in so that my kids and I can settle into a new routine.
In my professional career my determination is what has made me. I get the job done. My writing… the same thing. I wanted to write a book. I learned how, figured out what my strengths were and I wrote a story. It sold. Now I will have four books out in two years.
I wish my successes in personal matters were as amazing. However, maybe being determined in personal relationships is something you shouldn’t do. I guess I just don’t know how else to act. It is part of who I am. Make up your mind and move on it, put your all into it. I want to hang out with my friends… to have fun with them, to form long lasting stronger bonds with them. The people I love… I would do anything for. ANYTHING. Is that a bad quality? I don’t think so.