Lacy Danes


Jun 26
2006
Determined…

Twice recently I have been told that I was pushing.
First was by a friend I was leaning on during this hard time. I wanted more emotionally and physically from him. His situation would not allow for that.
Second was by my husband who I am separated from. He says I’m rushing and pushing to make the separation legal.

Am I pushy? This is the first time in my life I have been called such. I know I’m determined… and when I figure out something that I want I give it my all, but is that pushing? Maybe.

Maybe when another person is involved that does not desire the same thing you want, or just isn’t in that same place you are mentally it is viewed as pushing.

The dictionary defines:

Push as… a vigorous effort to do or obtain something.

Determined as… displaying resolve, a firmness or purpose.

My husband wants to stay together. I want to leave. I have made up my mind and I’m moving on it. Mediators, lawyers, selling the house, finding a new home. He says I’m rushing, pushing. I just want to move on with my life as quickly as possible to get out from this strange state we are living in so that my kids and I can settle into a new routine.

In my professional career my determination is what has made me. I get the job done. My writing… the same thing. I wanted to write a book. I learned how, figured out what my strengths were and I wrote a story. It sold. Now I will have four books out in two years.

I wish my successes in personal matters were as amazing. However, maybe being determined in personal relationships is something you shouldn’t do. I guess I just don’t know how else to act. It is part of who I am. Make up your mind and move on it, put your all into it. I want to hang out with my friends… to have fun with them, to form long lasting stronger bonds with them. The people I love… I would do anything for. ANYTHING. Is that a bad quality? I don’t think so.

Lacy.

5 comments to “Determined…”

  1. Jenanne
    Comment
    1
      · June 26th, 2006 at 3:19 pm · Link

    “Maybe when another person is involved that does not desire the same thing you want, or just isn’t in that same place you are mentally it is viewed as pushing.”

    I think you hit the nail on the head. People with less drive in their lives will always view you as pushy, and vocalize that to comfort themselves in their own shortcomings. “Pushy” does hold a negative conotation, and they know that.

    “Focused” is more acurate, and reflects the productivity of your character instead.

    Your husband is most likely trying to stall the inevitable, holding out hope that if he can stall you’ll change your mind. My soon-to-be-ex has done the same.

    You need to focus and move forward and recognize that these are “hooks” as I call them, and if you stop to give them too much creedance, you’ll be falling into their trap. I’m seven months separated, and my husband is still casting hooks, and I’m still struggling to dodge them effectively. We have attending some counseling to get to the end of the divorce amicably, and our counselor last week suggested that anything other than business-like countenance with him can be misconstrued as “hope” that I may want to stay. Remaining a little business-like and focused will send a clear, firm message that this is happening, and it prevents those emotional hooks catching you.



  2. Jenanne
    Comment
    2
      · June 26th, 2006 at 3:21 pm · Link

    “I want to hang out with my friends… to have fun with them, to form long lasting stronger bonds with them. The people I love… I would do anything for. ANYTHING. Is that a bad quality? I don’t think so.”

    This isn’t a bad quality. If anything, it will show you the depth of your friends. If you dive in deep, and they match that fervor, you know you’re in good company.



  3. Eva Gale
    Comment
    3
      · June 26th, 2006 at 10:27 pm · Link

    Eesh.

    I am as driven. Fortunately so is my husband and so he understands the sigularity of my will.

    Head down, focused and moving forward. You do what you have to do to be happy. I’m 34, but realizing years are slipping fast and that I’m too old to be miserable. I could care less what other people think, which is a beauty in and of it’s own.

    My Grandparents lived together even though they loathed eachother. You don’t want that existence, and even if you capitulated it wouldn’t be long before you were angry and wanting again. Get it done.

    Hugs and kisses back.

    Eva



  4. Shelli Stevens
    Comment
    4
      · June 28th, 2006 at 7:56 pm · Link

    You’re a strong woman who knows what you want. You go after it. I don’t think that makes you pushy. I think it makes you bold 🙂



  5. M.E Ellis
    Comment
    5
      · June 30th, 2006 at 4:37 pm · Link

    Echo Shelli.

    :o)



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