Thinking outside the box…
In my counseling session today my counselor asked me to think outside the box… To find what it is in a relationship that makes me happy, draws me. She said she didn’t think it was a traditional relationship, that she felt… by analyzing my prior relationships and going by that history I should be able to find what it is that my true self craves. This comment was prompted by me telling her that I had done some foolish things lately… She said foolish by what I want, or foolish by what society says is right?
It was foolish by societies standards… I did something that my head and rational mind said was wrong. I even went as far as to tell myself, and others multiple times that I wouldn’t…. BUT… I still did it. WHY?
That is my task for the week to figure out why my innerself overpowered the rational mind.
If you know me, or have been reading my blog for a bit, you will know that my rational mind has ruled me for sometime. I have been working hard to listen to my true innerself. My counselor was happy I allowed my innerself to come through, what she was not happy about was the fact that I was lying to myself about the WHY. Lying to myself = My mind trying to find an acceptable reason for my actions… She believes my actions were not prompted by reasons that are acceptable by societies standers, but are what I need to be happy in a relationship.
Why did my desire, my attraction, overpower my mind? What was it about the relationship, this person or set of people that pulled at me so strong that I couldn’t resist when everything in my mind said it was wrong. What about this relationship makes me want to jump all the hurdles that are being placed in its way? Society would look down upon it, and people that I care about could end up hurt or hating me.
Yet I still wanted it… still do, with a passion that is overwhelming at times. So my task this week is to figure out WHY. Why my innerself wants what it does, damn what my rational mind says and what others in society might see as wrong.
I’ll let you know what I find out!