A New Phase…
So last night I sat down to critique my CP’s latest short story. She writes steamy just as I do. So I’m chugging along… and the hero is introduced… he is a typical Dominant man. Confident, a bit arrogant, intelligent, opinionated and brooding, the kind of hero that makes me hot.
Unfortunately last night… An entirely different kind of hotness came from reading this guy. It had nothing to do with the story or with the heat factor she had written. They were both excellent.
No, I realized while reading this that I want nothing to do with romance at the moment, nothing to do with men!
In fact just reading it hit my gag reflex and I wanted to throw the damn book across the room! (Of course that would have meant throwing my laptop so… I resisted the urge)
Anyway… here is me… the woman who loves to read and write romance and sex. Who loves to look at, and flirt with, hell I love to touch a hot man and I couldn’t even read ten pages of hot and steamy sex with the type of man I’m usually gaga over.
AGAIN… I was dumbfounded by this reaction.
I think I have entered into a new phase of moving on. I did a lot of listening to me this past weekend and felt through some of feelings of loss over my kids, of starting over, of who I am, and how I want to move forward. It was an emotionally draining weekend and I’m exhausted today yet still pissed.
I’m pissed at myself for acting the way I did last week after my date with the hot and sexy, curl my toes man.
I’m pissed at myself for not being able to read through my friends WIP… That is my JOB! I’m a writer… I write sex and romance… How the hell am I supposed to do my JOB if I can’t even read it at the moment? Besides that I normally find joy in writing! I normally find joy in men.
I’m skeptical about men…. especially dominant men. I mean are there any men out there that are truly interested in, one a committed relationship, and two that are caring/possessive and dominant. I’m sure that there are… I know there are I have met a few…just at the moment I don’t even want to look! And to be frank, if a man that fit that description approached me at this exact moment today, I think I would punch him.
I’m pissed at myself for not dealing with this transition in a strong and graceful manor. This was my choice! I was the one that wanted my freedom to have a better life so how can I be happy with my decision (which I am) and still be filled with emotional bumblebroth.
I am sure a lot of my emotional upheaval has to do with my kids and the loss of seeing them on a daily basis. I’m not sure how that relates back to me hating men at the moment or if that stems from something entirely different…
Thanks again for listening…