Jealousy is not an emotion I have much experience with. Yet in the past two days it has leaked into my life. It has been an interesting experience and one that has shown me a few things about myself and my emotions towards the person who ignited this feeling in me.
Jealousy for me makes me ask lots of blunt pointed questions and usually makes me cry. In a lot of ways Jealousy is nothing but fear. Fear about things that I have no control over which involve someone I care about and their actions or emotions toward someone else. It is not envy, though Jealousy and Envy do go hand in hand sometimes. It is in some ways distrusting and in lots of ways has to do with things that I feel are lacking in myself. Not insecurities, just things that are not my strong points, my weaknesses.
Ex.) I look at a woman who easily expresses her emotions with someone I care about and makes this person laugh. I am Jealous of their interaction because; I can not do either easily. (Weakness aspect)
Ex.) Hearing someone you care about talk of strong emotions they had for someone in the past when you are not sure that you spark that same level of intensity in them but want to. (Something you have no control over… the fear aspect)
Anyhow… Jealousy is an emotion that I see as both positive and negative. It adds spark, recognition of how you feel about a person. However, if left to go to extremes without acknowledgment, without discussion it can be destroying.
How does Jealousy affect you?