Fears, the road ahead, Trust.
I feel like I am at a turning point in my life… where i can fall backwards into living with the fears that people, family, friends and society push upon me, living with the hurts that have happened to me, and old patterns for dealing with them. Or i can not care what others think and not let the hurts rule me and simply do what I feel is right for me and my kids.
life is filled with choices, hurts, mistakes, and fears. As Billy Joel says “the mistakes are the only thing you can really call your own.”
How does one sort through all the information coming at you, All the opinions, and make the correct decisions for your own well being? and what do you do when your thoughts and emotions run so counter to what everyone else thinks you should do?
I think it all comes down to TRUST. Trusting that you, yourself, are capable of making a decision that is in your soul right. Even if it is hard to disappoint all of those who have given you the opposite opinion… those who would make the opposite choice.
And i think you need to trust others. That even though you have been hurt in the past, that not everyone is stumbling around, manipulating situations and lying to you.
This past year i went through a very hellish situation. One i had feared up until now had ruined my ability to trust so openly, that had ruined my faith in that fact that humans are amazing.
What i realized is that until this very day I had only seen the hurt, evil, and destruction that came from the experience. Today i looked at me, my path I had chosen since this experience, and tried to learn from it. To see a pattern.
In everything you do there is a lesson. I had not looked for the lesson in that situation or i had and I thought what it taught me was to NOT trust so openly… to think that some people are only out for themselves and what makes them feel good, that no one really cares about how you feel, or react to what they do.
That was NOT the lesson!
Surely i could have let myself learn just that… and I had let that be my lesson for months now. I was miserable with that lesson.
What i finally saw today was that… my lesson was learning to let go of hurts that happen to you. Not to let them fester into huge ugly wounds that consume you, your life and who you are. Not to let them become you.
In my marriage I let a hurt my X caused me fester and eat at me, without a word from me for 9 years. In my first serious relationship after my marriage I took a different route and let the hurt consume me, change my thoughts, and make me into someone bent on hurting back at all cost (so not me).
Now I have realized it is possible to be hurt and heal, if you have faith in yourself to do so. If you have the strength to move forward on your own and simply forgive… yourself, others, and the situation. For we all make mistakes.
I also learned for me moving past that hurt simply means i need to express my feelings and then let go. (the letting go was the lesson.)
An empowering lesson to learn.