Emotional Healing After Trust Has Been Broken.
It has been sometime since I have written on here about my life and my emotional healing and growth. I think part of me feared that because of what I was going through that somehow would affect how my readers viewed me. What can I say, I have a soft soul… and one that feels guilt with ease.
A few years back I divorced from my now X husband. Shortly after that I fell in with a man who I was mad about only to find out he was lying to me ALL the time. I loved him, but left him. I dated a few men and then found another man who I began to care for in an entirely different way. He appeared to be a teacher, a protector, someone who would always be there for me. He too hurt me by not by out and out lying but by manipulating the details and well in the end I left him too. After a short while I got back with the man I was mad about after my divorce. He was in therapy and we started going to therapy together. Things were hard. VERY hard. Mistrust and triggers everywhere we turned, but there were glimpses of the good times. The love we shared. The feeling that what we had was unique and special. It has been a very long road. Finally this last fall I fully forgave him for all the pain and came to a sort of understanding of what he did. Though there is a part of me I know that is not meant to understand fully.
He is a much stronger man now.
I am a much stronger woman.
I have realized after all we went through to get to this peaceful calm place that we are simply now both headed in very different directions with our lives. He is headed to law school in another state. I want a different slower kind of life focused on my kids and my writing. Sad. but I have learned a lot about myself and relationships, I have learned a lot about him. Relationships are HARD work and without truth, forgiveness and a special kind of love they can fade, shatter or crumble. As the beetles said. “Love is not enough.”
A new year is here. And new things are coming. I feel it. I have a sense of pride, strength and walls are coming down. I am stronger than I was a few years ago and life is truly just been reborn.
Hugs to you all!!!